Today's podcast kicks off a new series, running through November 3rd, and concludes with Dr. Karl Lehman. This 6-week series focuses on identity, attachment, wounds, lament, and securing our attachment in Christ, not your marriage.
In this episode of Neurodiverse Christian Couples, hosts Dan and Stephanie welcome back neurotheologian Dr. Jim Wilder for a deep dive into identity formation, attachment, and the brain, especially as it relates to neurodiverse individuals and marriages.
Dr. Wilder explains how our identity develops from infancy through adolescence, highlighting key brain regions (like the orbital prefrontal cortex, corpus callosum, and mirror neuron system) and how they contribute to our sense of self and our ability to connect with others. He discusses what happens when these developmental processes are disrupted or different — as is often the case in autism, ADHD, and other developmental differences — and how this affects relationships, emotional regulation, and group belonging.
The conversation explores:
How attachment and caregiver attunement in infancy shape emotional identity.
Why the adolescent brain shifts focus from Who am I? to Who are my people? — and how failing to find a “herd” can impact identity.
The biological and neurological reasons why change (especially in neurodiverse individuals) takes time, encouragement, and community rather than just “trying harder.”
Why accountability in the traditional sense often fails, and how a supportive group offering healthy correction is much more effective for growth and transformation.
How autism impacts the identity center of the brain and its implications for marital relationships
This episode sets the stage for a series on identity and attachment, touching on grief, resilience, and sacred attachment, with upcoming guests offering complementary perspectives.
If you’re curious about how brain development, faith, and neurodiversity intersect — especially within marriage and community — this episode provides both insight and encouragement.
About Our Guest Dr. Jim Wilder:Dr. Jim Wilder has been training leaders and counselors for over 30 years on five continents. Jim grew up in South America and is bilingual (English/Spanish). He is the author of nineteen books with a strong focus on maturity and relational skills. Dr. Wilder has served as a guest lecturer at Fuller Seminary, Biola, Talbot Seminary, Point Loma University, Montreat College, Tyndale Seminary, and elsewhere.
Dr. Jim Wilder has extensive clinical counseling experience and is the chief neurotheologian of Life Model Works, a nonprofit working at the intersection of theology and brain science. Life Model Works builds on the fifty-year legacy of Shepherd’s House, which began in the 1970s as a ministry to street kids in Van Nuys, California.
In those early days, Jim worked with the team of volunteer counselors and Fuller Seminary faculty to build a counseling center to help broken people recover from negative habits, addictions, abuse, and trauma. By the 1990s, Jim was Assistant Director and later Executive Director of Shepherd’s House, helping hundreds of pastors and churches with their toughest counseling cases.
Jim was intimately involved in 1987 when Shepherd’s House conducted a careful review of why some people with the same level of trauma and treatment recovered, but others did not. The results of this case-by-case study became The Life Model, a new recovery model. The Life Model study findings were published in Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You.
Other podcasts we referenced:Escaping Enemy Mode Podcast:https://www.spreaker.com/episode/escaping-enemy-mode-with-dr-jim-wilder--52449734 What is LifeModel?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOcc2QJ0tTg Fear Bonds and Love Bonds with Dr. Wilderhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/fear-bonds-love-bonds-and-q-a-with-dr-jim-wilder--57526192 Dr. Wilder's Books for 2026 CoursesLife Passages of Men
Growing a More Human Community
