The Unburdened Leader

Leadership

The Unburdened Leader podcast, hosted by Rebecca Ching, LMFT.

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Latest Episodes

Leading Through Uncertainty: The Power of Compassionate Presence

Humans tend to crave certainty. In the face of the unknown, we rely on prescriptions and narratives to help us feel better and make sense of what we can’t yet see coming.

For many, sitting with uncertainty like what we are facing now, post-election in the United States, is deeply unsettling and even destabilizing. They brace for what might come next, anxious and ruminating, and looking for answers.

It’s a natural human response, but it can also leave us stuck in a loop that offers no comfort, only more fear and anxiety.

People will look to the leaders around them for comfort and for answers. And while you may not be able to provide the definitive answers anyone seeks, you can help those you lead and love feel supported and grounded as we all navigate these difficult times.

Today, I’m sharing strategies, practices, and thoughts that can help us move through uncertainty, for ourselves and the ones we love and lead.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How and why to establish “certainty anchors” for those you lead
Why an honest, compassionate presence is more beneficial than pretending you have all the answers
Why we need to balance courage and comfort, and the fine line between caring and caretaking
Why finding grounding routines is essential, no matter how small or scrappy or imperfect
How claiming your personal power and agency will help you feel less stuck
How we build trust and resilience in our relationships amidst uncertainty

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EP 117: Rethinking Resilience: Moving from Bouncing Back to Relational Resilience with Soraya Chemaly

When you think about resilience, what comes to mind?

Our culture loves narratives about triumphing over hardship. And overcoming pain, heartbreak, and even abuse can make us stronger.

However, uplifting “overcoming” too often comes at the expense of actually examining and addressing the lack of care, protection, and support people had to navigate on their path to resilience. We valorize grit and perseverance at the cost of people’s health and wellbeing, encouraging them to just keep pushing past the point of burnout.

My guest today pulls back the curtain on these narratives of overcoming adversity and building resilience to find that so much of the adversity people face is rooted in how we fail to care for ourselves and each other in our society. Real resilience, she says, isn’t about your own personal toughness; it’s about how we relate to and support each other.

Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning author and activist. She writes and speaks frequently on topics related to gender norms, inclusivity, social justice, free speech, sexualized violence, and technology. She is the author of The Resilience Myth: New Thinking on Grit, Strength, and Growth after Trauma and Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger, which was recognized as a Best Book of 2018 by the Washington Post, Fast Company, Psychology Today, and NPR. She has contributed to several anthologies, most recently Free Speech in the Digital Age and Believe Me: How Trusting Women Can Change The World. Soraya is also a co-producer of a WMC #NameItChangeIt PSA highlighting the effects of online harassment on women in politics in America.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Soraya made the connection between our toxic ideology of resilience and how we devalue community support and care
How the idea of “bouncing back” can actually impede change, both personal and social
How resilience narratives flatten, decontextualize, and depoliticize trauma and recovery
Why we need to shift our concept of resilience from individual to communal, cultural, and relational
How “soldiering on” can perpetuate a lack of options within the system
The false binaries we have to confront to dismantle the resilience of the status quo
How telling someone they are or need to be resilient shuts down opportunities for real care and support

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EP 116: Leading through Anger, Hope, and Healing with House Minority Leader Jennifer Konfrst

As the United States approaches one of the most important elections, many people I know are expressing how the current state of affairs is affecting their work, home life, and overall well-being.

With the stress and the chaos, it would be easy to shut down and ask, “Why bother?”

This is why it feels especially timely to bring back my long-time friend, Iowa state representative and state house minority leader, Jennifer Konfrst, to the podcast.

Whether it's a major election, a looming work deadline, or a personal goal, we all carry heavy responsibilities on top of what's happening in our country. I wanted to talk to Jennifer about how she finds the strength to keep going, even when the victories are hard-won or the losses are break-your-heart big.

Jennifer shares her not-so-secret recipe for staying true to her values and community, staying open and seeking support, which helps her avoid falling into despair and hopelessness.

Her perspective is a source of hope, motivation, and a call to keep fighting that many of us need right now.

Jennifer Konfrst teaches public relations & strategic political communication courses at Drake University in Des Moines, IA. Before joining the Drake journalism faculty in 2013, she worked in public relations for 20 years, most recently at Iowa Public Television.

She also serves as an Iowa House of Representatives member, representing the 43rd district since 2019. She is the House minority leader, a position she has held since 2021, and she is the first woman to hold this position in Iowa.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

What the Iowa Supreme Court ruling on abortion taught Jennifer about showing up even when you’re devastated and angry
The self-care that is essential for Jennifer in the face of setbacks and struggles at the State House
How Jennifer builds trust in her leadership with her caucus in her role as House Minority Leader
How consistently highlighting and celebrating even small wins helps keep people motivated
How her personal healing work has helped Jennifer allow for disagreement and conflict within her caucus
The challenges of trust with voters, representatives across the aisle, and within her party
The case for getting and staying engaged in politics, especially at the local level

Learn more about Jennifer Konfrst:

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EP 115: Permission to Speak: Reclaiming Your Voice Beyond Relational Trauma with Samara Bay

What prevents you from speaking up?

When you were younger, what was your experience when you spoke up? Were you heard, or were you silenced, ignored, or punished?

The echoes of earlier wounds often shape our ability to speak up. Our ability to speak up is often influenced by the burden of past experiences, whether it's in meetings, public forums, or one-on-one conversations, speaking up can feel like a significant risk when past relational traumas resurface.

Even the most confident leaders may carry fears of rejection, judgment, or failure, stemming from previous experiences of not being heard or valued. We may worry about being misunderstood or feel that our words lack significance.

Embracing your voice, even in the face of uncertainty, is a transformative act. It's a journey towards building more courage and leading in alignment with your values.

Speaking with grounded confidence isn't just about exerting authority; it's about fostering trust, connection, and respect within yourself and with those you lead.

Today’s guest lives the principles she teaches on speaking up and showing up with more power, especially for those who hold identities outside of dominant cultural norms. Her work offers us all a powerful road map for speaking up without exiling our story.

Samara Bay is the author of the best-selling book, Permission to Speak, a revolutionary take on public speaking for the future we want. She is a Los Angeles-based speech coach whose clients range from candidates for US Congress to C-suite executives, change-making entrepreneurs, movie stars, and high school girls. She has led workshops and keynotes for groups across various industries, from significant corporations to nonprofit foundations and academic institutions, and her work has been widely featured in the media.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Samara’s work with emerging political leaders caused her to realize that we need to change the narrative of how authority is “supposed” to sound
How she connects losing her voice in grad school to an internalized shame of sounding “different” that people of non-dominant identities carry
Why we need to shift the narrative to allow authoritative voices to be emotionally honest and vulnerable
The value of using our voices to care out loud and to tell our stories
Why it’s normal to sound different in various settings, as long as we aren’t compromising our integrity
Unpacking common “negative” speech patterns and how they function in our communication
Breaking down the impossible balancing acts of archetypes we expect of women in power

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EP 114: Why Bother? Navigating Burnout and Rediscovering Purpose with Jennifer Louden

When was the last time you said, “Why bother?”

When overwhelm, exhaustion, burnout, and the weight of responsibility set in, it's easy to become cynical and ask, "What's the point?"

Cynicism can be a defense mechanism, shielding us from difficult emotions or experiences, but it also traps us in survival mode, limiting our ability to see new possibilities or paths forward.

Constantly being in fight-or-flight mode makes it difficult to think long-term and to rest and reset as needed.

Today, we're exploring what, "Why bother?" really indicates for leaders. It serves as a sign of exhaustion, an overactive nervous system, or even reactivated trauma. Our guest encourages us to transform "Why bother?" from a stuck and cynical question into a productive inquiry that directs us towards what truly matters.

Jennifer Louden invites us to flip the script on “Why bother?” from cynical and stuck to a generative question to lead you toward what really matters to you.

Jennifer has been involved in the self-care movement for years. She authored the bestseller, The Woman’s Comfort Book in 1992 and has since written numerous books on well-being and creative living, including The Woman’s Retreat Book and Why Bother? She enjoys coaching writers and is currently working on a fantasy novel where older women use their power to buy humanity time from the climate crisis.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why the “why bother” stage is a normal part of life, and how it presents an opportunity to reset
How holding too tightly to an identity can keep us from seeing possibilities for change
How exiling and not claiming what we want leads to “why bother”
How taking action on the things that matter to us cultivates hope
How accepting that some things in life are not fixable can liberate us to step into new possibilities
How to begin cultivating a relationship with your desires

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EP 113: Curiosity as a Bridge: Uncovering Fears and Building Connections with Scott Shigeoka

How does curiosity show up in your life, work, and relationships?

Does your curiosity influence your strategy or planning? Or do you follow your curiosity to gain more knowledge or deepen your understanding of topics or viewpoints? Do you lean on curiosity to help you get to know someone better in ways that satisfy your interests or deepen your connection?

Do you keep following your curiosity even if it leads to uncomfortable or unknown places?

Our curiosity can reveal much about us, our interests, and our capacity for hope, discomfort, and imagination. But just as important is HOW we use our curiosity.

When we wield our curiosity to prove a point, we can cause division and harm. And when we use curiosity to honor others and our vulnerability, we can build the bridges necessary to cultivate the spaces we dream about and desire.

Today’s guest has combined his own lived experiences and research on curiosity and bridge-building into a powerful, nuanced book and set of practices on curiosity and how we use it in our relationships.

Scott Shigeoka believes curiosity has the power to transform your life and change the world. It's the key to connection, healing, and personal growth. It's a critical practice for your relationships, leadership, and life satisfaction. In his book, Seek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World, Scott teaches readers to strengthen their curiosity muscles with his signature DIVE method.

Scott has appeared on The Today Show, Harvard Business Review, NPR, The Guardian, and CNBC, and he has spoken at Google, Microsoft, Pixar, IDEO, Meta, Airbnb, and universities and schools around the world and teaches at The University of Texas at Austin.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Scott’s cross-country road trip showed in real-time that approaching fears with curiosity builds connection, understanding, and possibility
The limits and boundaries to approaching others with curiosity in the moment
Why we need to bring curiosity and humility when we catch our own biases
How social and structural power dynamics influence how we balance curiosity, discomfort, and anger in a group
Three key questions to ask yourself to identify if your curiosity about another person or situation is invasive or predatory
How letting go of certainty opens up possibilities and allows for growth

Learn more about Scott Shigeoka:

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EP 112: How Dreamwork Can Shape Better Leaders with Dee Kelley

What is your relationship with your dreams?

Not your goals or visions for the future, but the actual dreams that appear when you sleep?

Deepening our understanding of our dreams is not just a trailhead, but a transformative journey to better understanding ourselves, what drives us, what limits us, and what impacts our choices and behaviors.

Today’s guest, Selden “Dee” Kelley, urges us to take the time to reflect on dreams so that we can better understand how our inner systems are processing our present and our past. He reminds us of the profound power of witnessing our subconscious burdens, a process that validates our experiences and our desire to be seen and heard.

Dee is a lifelong learner. He holds five degrees in religion, psychology, an MBA, and a PhD in Industrial Psychology and Organizational Development. He served 18 years as the Pastor of the First Church of the Nazarene in San Diego and held various leadership and administration positions before becoming a pastor.

He has a deep passion for helping others discover the rich guidance that dream work can provide for their journey toward health and wholeness, and helps people connect with the power of their dreams as a pathway toward new insight, better decision-making, and improved creative thinking.

Content Note: Dee draws heavily from Jungian male-female archetypes. I want to note that the discussion of gender expands across the spectrum and is not limited to the male-female binary.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Dee’s approach blends hypotheses of the biological functions of dreaming and uses them in service of greater self-awareness
How every person’s dreams have an individual dialect
Advice for beginning to remember and take note of your dreams
Why specific interpretation can matter less than the reflections the interpretation leads to
How paying attention to our dreams can help us embrace imaginative, nuanced thinking
Differentiating between dream crushers and useful contrarian voices, in dreams and awake

Learn more about Dee Kelley:

Website
Instagram: @drdeedreamscoach

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EP 111: Imagining New Possibilities of Inclusion with Meg Raby Klinghoffer

When you are excited about something, how do you show up?

Do you wear excitement and passion on your sleeve for all to see?

Maybe your personality is more low-key and strategic, and it is less obvious when you're really excited about an idea, a vision, or being a part of something.

Or maybe you adapt and edit yourself, muting your responses to play it cool for fear you won’t be taken seriously.

Yes, it’s essential to consider your role, environment, and audience when you feel energized about something. But if we’re constantly focused on who we should be, how we should act, and what the right thing to say is, it’s hard to have hope and a vision for the future.

Meg Raby Klinghoffer does not feel weighed down by messages about playing it cool and downplaying her excitement and joy anymore. She is emphatically all in with helping others envision how the spaces where we live, work, and play can be inclusive for those with invisible disabilities. She is becoming a contagion to create spaces where we can all be welcome and feel comfortable being ourselves, from concerts to museums to schools and beyond.

Meg is the author of the My Brother Otto series, a Speech-Language Pathologist, a writer for Scary Mommy, and a full-time employee of KultureCity, the nation’s leading nonprofit in sensory inclusion. She is also autistic.

At any given moment, Meg is thinking about how to better love the humans around her and how to create positive change without causing division.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How receiving an autism diagnosis and owning that identity has allowed Meg to advocate for herself more freely
How to respectfully approach learning more about and supporting the autistic adults in your life
How having an autistic community helped Meg let go of old rules and embrace her identity
How KultureCity addresses the need for macro-level change to make spaces more supportive and inclusive
Meg’s vision for moving beyond awareness or acceptance to true inclusion

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EP 110: Intro to Fall 2024 Series: The Generative Power of the Imagination

What sparks your imagination?

What shuts down your capacity to imagine?

Where does your mind go when the stakes are high, and the pressure feels too great? Do you find yourself mentally preparing for the worst possible outcomes, as if you were rehearsing a play? Do you shut down or numb out to manage your fears and anxieties?

Our brains naturally seek comfort in the known or fill in the unknown with potential disasters. However, it takes conscious effort and practice to build the capacity to imagine positive outcomes when things feel bleak.

But we can counter overwhelm and despair by connecting with imaginative individuals who embody hope, curiosity, and possibility grounded in vision and action.

These visionary leaders remind us that something different is possible and that we can choose to take deliberate action to change the prevailing tides.

In this new series of Unburdened Leader conversations, I’ll be in dialogue with leaders who urge us to envision a future that's not just a distant dream, but a reality we can actively shape today.

Over the next few months, you will hear conversations that invite you to take meaningful action here and now that does not deplete but heals and energizes.

These visionary conversations will help you connect with your desire to see a way through the noise and do something different.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why this moment feels so vital to share conversations with leaders imagining–and building–a more moral and just world
A taste of upcoming topics of conversation, from invisible disabilities to reframing resilience as a collective undertaking
Essential steps for building and protecting your capacity to hope and imagine in trying times

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Bio of The Unburdened Leader

The Unburdened Leader podcast, hosted by Rebecca Ching, LMFT, is a show that focuses on the journey of leaders who have faced their own personal challenges, worked through them, and emerged as stronger and more impactful leaders. The podcast aims to provide insights, strategies, and inspiration to help leaders navigate their own struggles, prevent burnout, and lead with authenticity and effectiveness.

Each week, The Unburdened Leader features conversations with leaders who have overcome various obstacles and achieved personal and professional growth. These leaders share their experiences, lessons learned, and practical strategies for leading without being weighed down by stress, burnout, or isolation.

Rebecca Ching, a licensed therapist, and expert in leadership development, provides valuable guidance on redefining challenges, embracing vulnerability, and cultivating essential qualities such as courage, confidence, clarity, and compassion.

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